Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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