Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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