Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
