what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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