Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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