He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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