You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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