So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I party with great urgency now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
