It's Friday. Sex?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I smell like Dick and happiness
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
