he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
