I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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