I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
