I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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