The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
