Pappa wants mamma naked
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
