There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
