Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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