She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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