So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
