That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
