Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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