i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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