Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
