Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize