well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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