I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
