I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
