I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
