She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize