Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize