everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
