just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my poor anus
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
