Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
