it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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