i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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