I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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