I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
