well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
