Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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