he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
