I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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