look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
