and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize