Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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