More tranny stories later!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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