I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
