The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
