I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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