We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
