just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
