I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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