Me too!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
