I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
