omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
