I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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