I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
