We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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