i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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