bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
