Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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