ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
