the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
