Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
