id be glad to
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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