i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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