I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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