And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
