I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
