Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
