even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
