We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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