Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
