try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
